I'm not sure if everyone feels like this after their first half...but I'm pretty sure I'm walking with my head a bit higher and a little more of a swagger to my walk. They say the person that starts the race (whether it be your first 5k, 10k, half or full marathon) is not the same person that crosses the finish line. I had heard this quite a bit before the half marathon. And when I finally did cross the finish line, I expected to feel instantly transformed and dissolve into tears. I did not. Instead, when I crossed the finish line I mostly just felt happy it was over...ha! I think some level of shock and disbelief was in play as well because it was only days afterwards that I got hit with a brick of emotion. As I put the "I rocked 13.1" decal on my window, I could barely blink without tears streaming down my face. And that's when I realized, I had in fact changed when I crossed the finish line, it just took a few days to realize it.
 |
| I literally teared up putting this on my window. |
There is something about believing in yourself and your capabilities and then accomplishing what you set out to do that overwhelms your heart and spirit. And after that realization is when the "badass-ery" kicks in.
I wish I could bottle it. Baddass-ery. That feeling. The feeling of 100% belief in yourself and then having the realization of what you perceived as possible, you actually made possible! And i'm not just talking about running, I'm talking about anything in life. When I first moved to NYC when I was 27, packed up everything, quit my job, sold my car and pursued my dreams of acting...I felt pretty bad ass.
 |
| Pre-"Bad-ass" |
 |
| In the process of becoming "Bad-ass" |
And I think more than just the "post" feeling of accomplishment, I need to pay attention to the "pre" work that was happening. I'm not sure how it happened but I believed in myself more than I ever have the few weeks leading up to the half marathon. Some part of me KNEW I could do it...even if I had never run even close to 13.1 miles. It was truly mind over matter. And that is also something I wish I could bottle and give to everyone that ever doubted themselves. I think if nothing else, if I could only give one gift to the world, it would be that. The undeniable belief that you CAN do whatever your heart desires. For some reason, my mind was able to get 100% on board with my heart and soul for that race. Even now, as I ran my 4 miles this morning...I still think..."how the hell did i run 13.1????". And then I remember my mindset in the weeks leading up. And then, here it comes...the thought that I must be... "Bad-ass!"
 |
| Crossing the finish line - moment of bad-ass! |
I'm sure this post is not coming out the way I mean it too. In fact it has been sitting in "draft" form since last week because it comes off pompous. I don't mean it that way. I mean I just desperately want EVERYONE to get to feel this way. My confidence is WAY better that it ever has been in my entire life (at age 43 no doubt!) - and some of that is the result of taking good care of myself, eating healthy, working out, running...and some of that is the after glow of these accomplishments I never pictured for myself.
All I know is I am feeling super-duper-badass these days and I'm grateful for the gift of knowing what it feels like to believe in your dream goals and make them happen. Those goals are different for each of us, but that "i will not falter" attitude and mindset is something we can all share and learn from each other.
 |
| Officially BADASS!!!! |
I guess all I'm really saying is I finally believe in myself. And more importantly, I believe in YOU. Go for it...whatever that dream, goal, idea is...and KNOW in your bones - "you got this, kid!" (as my mom would say...)
stay strong,
Rachel
No comments:
Post a Comment