balance/down for the count

Hello my fellow blog-o-readers...

So, I've been saying it on and off, here and there, for WEEKS. I didn't feel 100%. I've been battling any host of aches, pains, digestive issues, migraines...blah blah freaking blah...but now, its hit me full on. I missed a second day of work (which is unheard of for me)...well technically I still actually worked, since I took the pile home with me. There I was today, in my pajamas, in bed, sipping tea and working. Not really what the doctor ordered.

And speaking of doctors, tomorrow I FINALLY get in to see my primary. I can't even begin to tell you what I specifically feel, but its just a general yuckiness (yes spell check, i know that is not a real word!), accompanied by abdominal pain and an improper digestion issue. As much as I've been trying to push through it...I think its time to admit..I'm down for the count. Hopefully the doctor will just tell me I'm suffering from some of the general germy-ness that everyone has been infected with...not that I would be happy with that diagnosis, but atleast I will know what the hell the problem is!
 
I will admit the bright spot in all of this...on my way home from the office this morning, I stopped at the market and dragged my ass around picking up some fresh fruit, frozen berries for a smoothie (will attempt making my very first one tomorrow!), purchased some 12 grain bread for my au natural peanut butter which I later sprinkled with flax seed. I also picked up some veggies (and some old stand by...soup, had to have soup). I decided that if I need to be home, sick, I'm going to eat some yummy, good for me foods that may aid in the healing.

Also in retrospect, running 3.1 miles yesterday morning was probably a mistake. Yes. I am admitting it. As much as it pains me. I felt notably worse after my run. My body/health really was in no shape for it, but my heart so desperately wanted to run, so out the door I went. Yesterday should have been my long run in the park, my 5+ mile run. But I knew I just didn't have it in me. So my compromise (so i thought) was sticking close to home and doing "only" a 5k distance.What I should have done was listen more closely to my body AND mind which were overruled by my heart. But, each experience we have in this life is not to be wasted so...

...I'm vowing that if I need to take a couple days more days off from running, it will be for the greater good of my run. That I will be a far stronger, far happier, far more peaceful runner if I let my body work out whatever the hell is trying to take it down.

It's funny to me that my instinct has changed. Before my change in mindset and lifestyle, pre-August 2012, I would have looked for any excuse to avoid eating healthy, or exercising. Being sick was the perfect excuse to sit on my ass and not move for a week. Which, I was far more sick, far more often back then (which is really only a year ago...but feels like ions!). Now, I think I am guilty of the opposite problem, I'm so paranoid, yes...paranoid of falling into my old ways I push in a completely different direction.

The trick, I'm learning...is balance. Something that at age 43 am still learning how to do...balance. When I run, it helps me clear my mind and it is one of the only things that to date, helps me find the way to do that...to balance the various components of my life and of myself.

Its not an easy job, but someone has to do it!

Anyway, that's my "poor me, i'm sick" post. Looking forward to the doctor visit tomorrow, but atleast in the meantime, I know I'm eating well and resting. Sometimes, that will be just as important as the times you push it, challenge it. 

So to my body, I say 

"Dear body,

I'm sorry I suck at balance. But i solemnly swear to listen more closely to you. We are in this together!

xoxo,
running for us"