mental vs physical

So...not sure how much to share, how much to hold back...so in light of THAT...let's talk vaguely on the areas that are challenging me most...but first, let's talk about running, since that always makes me happy.

I had an excellent outdoor run this past Saturday. It was a beautiful crisp morning and my pace/time was improved over that disastrous last run I did the week prior. Here are my stats...(and a lovely picture of a tree...). Hoping to get a morning run in tomorrow.

Next up, the end of the weekend brought a whole host of challenges in the stress/anxiety department.  A challenge I have not yet had to face since implementing my healthy lifestyle and fitness change. I was (and am) being truly tested in terms of keeping the focus on doing what is right for my body/health, while spending my mental energy worrying about someone else's.

Which in theory, and in all practicallity, makes no sense. My worrying can't change a damn thing...but, hey, this is how i'm built. I'm 42, this quality won't ever change.

After staying awake for approximately 20 hours with worry and a sorry attempt to catch up on that lost sleep the first half of the day yesterday, i had to go to the market to pick up some soup and other stuff.

All I wanted to do was buy a pint of Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream and cupcakes. I wanted to alleviate the stress and anxiety by indulging in things that used to help me feel better. I wanted to desperately just sit on the couch last night and eat all the bad foods until my stress dimished. I wanted to excuse myself from working out and doing the healthy, good stuff until the anxiety subsided.

When I tell you - I LITERALLY stood in front of the freezer section of the market and stared at the ice cream. It was ridiculous.

The voice of failure, of weakness & sadness nagged at me..."its your body, you can do anything you want, one pint of ice cream won't derail you".

"You are allowed" it screamed.

The voice of the strong, healthy, happy me chimed in "you are worth more than a pint of ice cream...there is no reason to consume it. it won't make you feel better. in fact, it will compound the stress because on top of everything, you will have made a poor choice for yourself".

And guess what? The strong, healthy happy me WON. I walked away. Instead of buying myself ice cream, i went to the fruits section and got some overpriced but yummy blackberries (i love them but always so expensive) and treated myself that way.

My first real test and I passed. I won't always pass. I won't always have the positive voice win (again i'm not literally hearing voices people! i'm talking in terms of temptation to go astray!).

Stress and anxiety are always a huge burden for me...most people can just move through it, but for me, its hereditary. Its a constant battle. But i seem to be armed with a new weapon to keep it under control, its not medication - its working out, its eating healthy yummy foods. its reminding myself that no matter what, the best thing i can do for myself is feed my body the best possible stuff in every situation. Be it good or bad. In light of that, i'm hittin' the gym after work and indulging myself in the massage beds they have.

In the end it always comes back to realizing I can only fix things for myself and no amount of worry ...or Ben & Jerry's, can change that.