I'm human - drats!

Hellooooo my long lost blog-o-rific readers!

Well, happy to report that after nearly two weeks of being down with the sinus infection from hell that caused excruciating migraine issues and then experiencing some BIZARRE reaction to the prednisone once it got in my system...I am finally FINALLY starting to feel a bit more normal (well, normal IS a relative term after all - ha!). Some of the residual effects of the meds are still lingering but I am far better than I was earlier this week. Which means, my spirits are lifting too...which is desperately needed. I realized I went into a bit of a funk for a number of reasons, reasons I feel I need (well, want) to share because, hey, i'm human and I feel sometimes I hold back on here because it is mostly a "runner girl/healthy girl/isn't life grand" kinda blog (i hope anyway!) - but here's some reality:

The point of no return for the funk started on Tuesday, Nov 19th. That is not only when I started to get the migraines but it was the anniversary of my mom's death (3 years...no it never gets easier, you just learn to deal with it). It hit me pretty hard, harder than it ever has and that sort of started this emotional unraveling which ALWAYS leads to me getting sick. So, that week, combined with being unbelievably sad and starting to feel under the weather, I think we can say that started the rapid descent into funk town (as i like to call it).

Then, the stupid part is I KNEW I was getting the headaches because of a sinus infection but i kept trying to push through it, includng not eating enough (because i was depressed about my mom's anniversary) AND I was still running ALOT and pushing myself...while i was sick. and weak. and sad.

WRONG. Goes against all the beautiful advice I give everyone else.
Therefore, I suck. Lesson learned.

I finally went to the walk-in clinic on Monday of last week (because my primary will not prescribe antibiotics for sinus infections - which, i normally agree with and hate taking antibiotics, i rarely do, but i know my body and i KNOW i needed them). Full blown sinus infection with glands swollen and massive swelling of left sinus cavity.

Excellent.

They prescribe a 5 day dose of prednisone (steroids) and 10 days of antibiotics (mega dose size). I take my drugs, feel ok by turkey day and think i'm on the up and up. Saturday after thanksgiving I decide to run 7 MILES. SEVEN MILES. I'm STILL sick...what made me think I should run 7 miles in that condition...I have no idea. I came home exhausted (even if it was my fastest 7 miles - ok i'll stop! :). I took a nap with kitten and relaxed the rest of the day. Sunday morning I woke up with strange jaw pressure...looked up side effects to prednisone and BINGO. Once it was fully in my system very strange (but expected according to documentation) symptoms kicked in. Jaw pain, horrible bone pain, felt like I had broken my ankle I could barely walk on it while we were out...pressure in my head...just AWFUL. 

just loved this, wanted to share!

Without going into the rest of it, decided to drink tons of water this week, allow myself to just eat. Not monitor, not deny, just eat and feed this body and REST. Earlier in the week I felt like hell and took a day out of work. Today...with all the rest, the water consumption (to hopefully flush the hell drug out of my system) I am finally feeling better.

Phew...that's a lot of detail!

NOW. Why am I detailing all this? Because mostly, I need to recognize what I did wrong...which is pushing and shoving myself to be "fit" and "healthy" during a time where my body is screaming for me to rest, to just feed it, to hydrate and to rest some more. I'm so furious with myself for not listening to my body. And think that is because I go from wondering how much is listening to my body and how much is me "being lazy". It is a very hard balance for me. I want to inspire and be an example of living a healthy, happy life for my mind, body and spirit - but the truth is, I'm human and I can't always talk the talk and walk the walk. I fall, I stumble, I fail...but the thing is, I got to get back up and go...but not without learning from the things that tripped me up.

Now that i'm feeling better, i will go for a SHORT run this weekend (sunday). And I mean short 2-3 miles max. Maybe less. I plan to not do another long run until the new year (7+). My body took a beating the past few weeks and it must heal. I will stay active and eat mostly healthy but going to just let myself live a little the rest of this month. I need it. My body needs it...it is screaming at me to relax (which is hard to do when it is screaming at me...ha!).

So I'm listening. And i'm also listening to something else it is saying...which is...after all the drugs that were loaded into my system this month...i need a detox in January. some sort of REAL clean eating (meaning no half ass attempts), perhaps even vegetarian diet for one month (not forever). I want to eat fresh fruits and veggies and fresh juices (we are getting a juicer for Christmas!!!) and I want to exercise and get back to the gym. I am actually looking forward to it. To transforming again...I feel in 2014 it will be the year to do it..to finally get my trainer cert, and to kick up my understanding of nutrition and the real balance of mind, body and spirit in the way of a healthy LIFE.

Holly Perkins "baladea"

And of course, as if on some cosmic parallel journey, my dear friend Holly Perkins has just launched her own fitness & wellness system that covers ALL areas of living healthy including the trinity I spoke if before. It is called "baladea" and it looks incredible. Every single one of her exercise programs that I have used in the past WORK. And in fact, my test client is using one of her DVDs currently. This new one is an all encompassing program with many DVDs in the package, along with literature, etc. Check it out here for yourself. I will be purchasing it (note: NOT a paid endorsement people, I will pay to use it like everyone else! :). I will make the purchase because I believe in her approach and because, oddly enough, it marries perfectly to how I want to kick off 2014. I feel there are big things in my future if I would just get out of my own way.

So get ready self, in 2014 I am pushing all the doubt, anxiety, angst and worry out of the way. I will listen to this body and mind and live a life I deserve. A life that I want to spend lifting others up and inspiring, just the way my mom did.

thanks for reading this long ass entry, but it felt good to get it out there!

stay strong,
Rachel