Everything for a Reason

Hello blogo-sphere!

Today's post has a couple different themes running through it so buckle up...!

Firstly, I am STILL using the MyFitnessPal app to track my calories. I've been doing this since last Thursday RELIGIOUSLY. I am learning so much about my eating patterns and the fact that I am absolutely, positively eating too little. Something that i've always known but to see that almost every single day I am UNDER my calorie count (sometimes by 100s of calories). In fact, the app, when you close out your day and you have consumed too few calories, it tells you! So yes, even my iPhone is yelling at me when I don't eat enough. Without a doubt, nutrition is an area that will need special focus once I clear the personal training certification....AND speaking of!!!!!

Brace yourself, I'm about to get all sappy and happy and emotional in this next part....

Last night I conducted my very first trial fitness assessment with a dear friend who was brave enough to volunteer. Although I've amped up my studies into high gear again and preparing for the test early next year (pushing for February 2014) - I really felt I needed to start to put what i'm learning into practice. This works two fold - first it allows me to think about what i'm learning in terms of an ACTUAL person I am working with, which leads to number two - I am now accountable to helping someone change their lifestyle in a way that is healthier and ultimately even happier. That is a responsibility I take seriously and can not, will not faulter on. Aside from these practical reasons for starting to work with an actual test client...there is the whole "how does it feel" to do this work part of it. I was nervous last night, because that part of this picture was riding on last night's session. What I discovered is, every OUNCE of my being was in love with the conversations and gathering information to help someone make a positive change. I do not think there is any better a gift than ability to help someone discover something in themselves they didn't realize existed. Because that was and IS my journey...I'm still learning so much about what I'm capable of, the difference now is that I've gotten to a point where the door is open and I'm not afraid to try anymore, I'm not afraid to DO it. To take action. It is a really kick ass place to be once you get there!

Since it was a friend that I hadn't seen in a while, part of the assessment was us catching up too...but overall I hit all the points I wanted to and needed to. I'd like to think that I sent her home with things to think about and reflect on. Next session is in two weeks and will involve some serious studying/preparation because it involves body measurements, squat tests and pulse taking. All things that I'm excited to put into practice but MUST be ready to do - again accountability is paramount for me and I LOVE that this is my way forward. A way forward I never in a million years would have imagined for myself.

Which brings me to the next part of my blog post - slightly depressing but with an important realization...you've been warned (again).

I hate to say it, I hate how this had to come about...discovering this passion, this need, this life changing path. This came about as an undeniable result of losing my mom back in November 2010 to cancer. If you've followed along on my blog for a while you know the story. That after sitting by her side for 3 months and watching a disease devour her physical form, witnessing the breakdown of muscle, bone, lungs, eyes, ears, everything and anything that cancer could consume - I (and my family) had to witness. It was horrific. There is not pretty way to say or share what we witnessed. It was a real life nightmare. But...

After she passed - after she fled the prison cancer had made of her body...and after my sobs and broken heart started to slowly recoup from the impact of losing my very best friend, my mom, I started to re-evaluate life. It took about a year and half for me to turn what was a sickening, life shattering experience into something that I could turn around, and find the learning in. My mom raised me to be very strong, very independent and to learn from life the lessons it presents to us. My need to change and transform, to own my

Me & mom...to the moon & back i love you.

body, to take control came from watching the soul shattering effects of a disease consuming a body that was not cared for in the way it needed. Make no mistake my mother was a gorgeous, spiritual and gifted woman who was a Medium, a psychic counselor to those that needed it. Her clients needed her wisdom, her insight, her time and her "gift" to help them find their own way. 

I've never revealed that in my blog before but I feel I need to now. She was the real deal (despite the fact I am a skeptic in every other way - I know in my heart she had a gift). She helped thousands of people over her short lifetime of 60 years (yes thousands asking very little in return from any of them). It was something that she devoted her life and herself to, and in a way, in retrospect - it consumed her. She was so giving of herself, that the caring for herself fell away from life. The results of too much smoking and too many medications to camouflage pain is ultimately what brought the end. My learning, indirectly from her and from the experience is to NOT repeat that pattern. And I will not. Instead I wanted to start to live life FOR her, in honor and memory of her. Sitting on a couch eating potato chips no longer seemed a fitting tribute to someone I loved more than life, someone that was robbed of really "living" and seeing the physical strength they were capable of.

My goal, my career path that I have since embarked on is no accident. "Everything for a reason" may be an overused expression, but it IS accurate.

I understand now that my journey is to carry on the family gift of assisting and guiding others BUT in a way that I know, a way that I am comfortable and passionate about. My gift is a different gift but a gift just the same. I don't want anyone to ever think they can't live more, love more, laugh more...my true belief is mind, body and spirit - it is all connected. To deny any piece of that triad is to encounter imbalance. An imbalance I have witnessed first hand.

Last night in the midst of doing the assessment, sitting at the dining room table with my "client" I felt my mom over my shoulder. Smiling that toothy grin she would always give, whispering "that's MY kid!".

You know when something is just "right"? THIS is right. This is the life I'm meant to live. The things that were necessary for me to find my way here are things that could have destroyed me (i'm not kidding when I say that) - but as my mother's daughter I would not let myself become a victim to the heartbreak.

There is "beauty in everything" some say, an expression that never sat well with me until last night. In the most gruesome of moments, I have been able to find the resulting beauty.

Thank you to my mom for raising me to be able to see through the tears and darkness. 
I'm going to make you prouder than ever, Paula.

stay strong,
Rachel