struggling to eat

Hello fit folks,

Today I share in this blog a problem that usually turns out to be the opposite of what most people struggle with.

I am not eating enough. AGAIN.

If you have read my previous posts then you know that I struggle on and off with feeding my body the nutrients and protein it needs to perform the tasks I'm assigning it - especially as of late - running and 30 day shreds. Oy!

(please note*** Just to be clear, when I say "not eating enough" - I am not speaking in terms of a person who would have an eating disorder - I'm speaking in terms of sporadic eating habits that go from super healthy and consistant to eating food because I know I need to eat but its not what I WANT to eat - meaning not au naturale/clean eating).

The truth is, I REALLY really want to to switch to a clean diet (90% would be ideal). I want to see what happens when I fuel my body with things are only GOOD for it. Now, this doesn't mean I don't believe in ruling out a yummy dessert here and there...but moreover, I want to finally get myself into an eating cycle that is CONSISTANT.

Before I began my journey as a healthy gal over a 40, I also had this struggle with eating enough. Its a problem that has re-occurred over and over since losing my mom in November 2010 to cancer.

It seems when she went, she took my appetite with her.

Over the past couple years, I had gotten back into the flow of healthy eating (mostly) and not skipping meals (as much) or chomping down on whatever was convenient (i.e. sodium packed frozen dinners) - but this flow is continually interupted. I can't seem to commit to feeding my body what it NEEDS - the fuel for my fire. This is becoming even more critical because I'm going to start running longer distances. I NEED to understand what my body must have to fuel it properly. And although, in theory, I get it (I really do!) - real life can make it very difficult.

It is especially difficult when you are part of a household that isn't necessarily on the same journey as the one you have embarked upon. It is challenging day in and day out. Some days are easier (like opting for wheat pasta while the rest of the house is eating regular pasta) - and then other days are harder. I want to cook up batches of kale, but i'm painfully aware that the scent of sauteed kale is frowned upon. While for me, its someting my body is literally craving and wants. I want to make brown rice a staple in my diet because I know how well it fuels my body - but it can be a boring dinner option for someone that isn't looking to fuel themselves the same way. There is so much I need to do for myself but seem to be stalled OR too many other things rise up and get in the way.

 

I'm so at odds - I am finding that this healthy, fitness loving lifestyle does not come without its obstacles. And the thing is, these obstacles aren't the ones I expected which has really thrown me for a loop.

All I know is in the end, I MUST do what is right for me. Running, eating yummy HEALTHY food is really becoming a part of who I am...all I can do is hope that I can stay true to myself and not compromise myself by picking what's easier for all...but instead what is better for me.

Also, I'm thinking about starting a food journal. I am not connecting with what I am consuming and when I am consuming it. I head off to Cancun on Thursday for a short 4 day vacation. When I return, I will plan on fully committing to a journal.

And while in Cancun, I plan on eating alot of healthy, yummy and fresh dishes. (its a resort so everything is prepped with filtered water -but I will be stocked with imodium just in case!)

All I know is I NEED to do this for myself. I love running but what use is it if I'm not giving my body the energy it needs to go further and faster...I know what needs to be done.

Now I need to do it.

(again).