Life As We Know It & Other Realities

It has been a long while since I blogged. As usual, I drop off the face of the earth and instantly become the world's worst and most elusive blogger. But then a rush of things in life happen, or realizations and suddenly I have the urge to spew what's on my mind out into the inevitable and unidentifiable black hole that is the internet.

Today's blog is about MANY things. And not just fitness related. But LIFE related. 

First...here's the thing about being "fit". You are not always going to be a rock star at it. You are not always going to have defined shoulders and a flat stomach and a perky, cellulite free ass. Sometimes, you'll struggle to even get your ass to the gym and sometimes you'll want to get in there as often as possible because you love it so much. Sometimes, you'll want to run for miles day after day and other times you'll forget you were even a runner and ran two half marathons.

And by "you" in the above paragraph, I mean me. My body looks VERY different than it did this time last summer. Last summer I was running, cycling AND strength training. I avoided white bread, white rice, white anything. I hadn't had a french fry in months. Did I love how my body looked and felt? Did i have boundless amounts of energy? Yes. Does THIS summer's bod look like last summer's? Nope.

Am I okay with that?

Truth.

I'm working on it. I guess part of this blog today is to make peace with the fact that I may not always be the fitness girl I envision. Sometimes dessert, and my turkey burger on a white roll (THE HORROR!) will in fact happen. Sometimes I'm going to prefer to snuggle in bed with my man in the morning or get a little nooky than go to the gym. Sometimes, different things will be important to me. Priorities shift.

And with that...I AM okay.

Do i feel more secure, happier, safer in my life than during this time last year's reality? Yup. Are these two things related? The shifting of priority? Maybe. I'm still wrestling with that too.

All in all though, I'm okay with the body I have right now. It is still strong, can still run, can still carry a vertical cooler on wheels down a flight a stairs that was pretty much as big as me. To have my man turn to me and say "how did you carry this by yourself?" was an awesome feeling. So maybe not "looking" as fit as i want doesn't mean i'm not still "fit" and strong in other less obvious ways.

Then there is another issue...which is not actually related to health and fitness, BUT...my recent voluntarily suspension of my facebook account was based on a meme i saw that just about put me over the edge (on top of the 4 million other reasons i needed to step away from the FB drama world)...

A "friend" had posted a meme that said something along the lines of "BOYS prefer skinny, perfect girls that don't eat and MEN prefer badass women that eat and can hold their liquor".

Wow. How about I post a meme that says "Men prefer women who don't sit on their ass, eat crap and drink like a drunk".

RIGHT? Wouldn't that be AWFUL??? I would never, ever, ever...because i don't judge. I don't make assumptions based on size, shape or lifestyle preference.

But yet...us "skinny" girls...well we must not eat right? We think we are "perfect". Right? RIGHT?

Newsflash..if i thought i was perfect this blog wouldn't be happening.

And honestly, I'm not blaming the "friend" for posting it, she didn't intentionally mean to piss me off to epic proportions. But she did. And that f'n MEME DID.

How about we love each other as women and support each other no matter our shape and size? How about we stop saying "men prefer curves". I'm barely 5ft tall, I weigh 100 lbs soak and wet and have a 34D chest (natural, thank you very much). I HAVE CURVES. 

How about I post "Men prefer women who don't have rolls"?

HORRIBLE. Right? Right.

I'm using these terrible, awful examples to drive my point home. I'm tired...I'm tired of being told..."you need to eat another cupcake" or "you turn sideways and you disappear" or "i'd work out but it is too hard, it is easy for you" or "i'd love to run but i get tired really fast, it is easier for you because your 'skinny' ".

No it f'n isn't.

Hear me? NO IT ISN'T.

You have to make a CHOICE. The choice is to TRY. To push yourself. To get comfortable with being uncomfortable. When i was in the gym this morning, and it felt like a 100 degrees in there and my quads were burning from pushing weight that I hadn't in over a week...it was HARD. It was UNCOMFORTABLE.

But wait, tell me again how it is easy for me. No really. Tell me.

Do i have a fast metabolism? Hell yes. Am i blessed to have inherited that? HELL YES. Do i recognize not everyone has that advantage? HELL YES. It is the whole reason I want to still be a health and nutritional coach. (a REAL one, not a product pushing one). I want to encourage, guide, inform people...to help them find THEIR way to a healthier life. Not a "skinny" life.

I'm sorry if this blog sounds angry. But I guess I am. I want women to rise up, unite, love each other, accept each other, support each other. But if a supposed friend can post something that insensitive than I feel like i'm in circle of doom right now.

And yes, that meme was the straw on this camel's back. Facebook in general has been RIDICULOUS as of late.

I'll try not to get into it here...but I had to step away because I can't stand everyone's drama. And if I unfriend any more people I'll be ousted from the state of Rhode Island. (which wouldn't bother me except i love my honey, his kids, our home and our families). And apparently, by unfriending people, suddenly it must mean you hate the person, or you must have "talked shit about them"...how about, um, NO. How about we all GROW UP? Just a thought.

Overall, i'm just over so much of the juvenile behavior. At age 45 I finally "get it". Life is way way way too short to not surround yourself with supportive people that "get" YOU. Of course you can have close friends who have differences of opinion, i mean, OF COURSE. You have to accept that. And love people for who they are. And i do.

But i guess i needed and need a little space to breathe. To regroup. To figure out who i am in this next phase of my life and who i want and need to be a part of it.

Also, speaking of "new" phases....at age 45 I finally, FINALLY bought a brand new car. (lease actually). Never in my life have I known what it was like to drive a new car, to have that security. And yesterday, I signed the papers and drove away with this baby...my 2015 Jeep Compass. It was goal on the bucket list of mine that honestly, I'm not sure I would ever achieve. But after working my ass of to rebuild my credit, and demand a much overdue raise last week...i finally did it.

Which leaves me wondering what is the next goal? And it just proves...I really CAN do anything I set my mind to if I put the work in behind it.

Mission accomplished feels good. I'm ready to roll on to the next challenge. And in a new set of wheels no less :)

So there, I'm ending this "angry" blog with a happy vibe. A vibe that, hey, if you want that body to be strong, healthy, confident...you CAN...but you have to work for it. Just like I do. And sometimes I work harder, and sometimes I work less...but I control my life, my body, my mind and my heart.

And you own yours too. So if you see hate in your newsfeeds...block it, delete it, speak up. If you feel like you need to change your body, your mind...then get up and move.

It is up to YOU.

I'm tired of being quiet. And this blog proves it.

carpe diem,
Rachel